I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
