do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We are all done wearing pants today
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
