What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
