Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
