Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
