Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
