dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
