Ambien. No doubt about it.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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