I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
