i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
