you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
