I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
