Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
