How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
