she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
