walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
