this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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