I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
