I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
third nipple confirmed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
