she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
