I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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