ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
