it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He felt like a one man threesome
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
