The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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