Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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