I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
