For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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