....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
