I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
