We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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