the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
