Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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