its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
