apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
