hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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