I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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