I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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