none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
