In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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