Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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