I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
