Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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