pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
