Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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