Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
