There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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