I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
