I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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