What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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