that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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