a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
