Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
