whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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