my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
