Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
