It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
