The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
