So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
