we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
