remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
