i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize