apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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