it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
