I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
